The Many Moods of Panda

Parts of today were actually really good.  Like the conversation I had with my accountant this morning.  I mean, the man is dry as toast, but he had good news for me today, so that helped.  SKD and I got our toes done, and that's always fun.  I got red and she got navy so together we are very patriotic.  I meant to get a picture but didn't.  Did you know she has never had blue toes before?  How is that even possible?  Silly lady.  But then she dropped me off and I could tell right away that the hubby was pissed.  He thinks he can hide it, but he's wrong.  After SDK left I got a giant lecture.  OK, to be fair, it probably only feels like a lecture because as an introvert and an internal processor I can never actually say anything when he's going on about something, so it's just words words words from him and I feel lectured.  Plus, it's an argument we keep having, and I don't know what to say anymore anyway because nothing has helped so far.  Don't worry, I'm not going to give you a blow by blow of the event; this isn't the place to air that stuff.  Although I could, as the hubby doesn't read the blog, so I could say whatever I want and he wouldn't know.  But I'm not going to.  I just hate the block that goes up in my brain when I'm trying to say certain things.  It's like an actual wall that I haven't figured out how to knock down.  And I've always been like this.  When I was a kid I would cry, Mom would ask me what was wrong, and I would say, "nothing."  Not because I didn't want to tell her (usually), but because I couldn't.  Let me take a sidebar to apologize to my mother for all of the crap I put her through as a kid  Soooo sorry, Mom!  Love you!  You know that song, Say Something by A Great Big World?  Yeah...pretty sure that song was written about me.  At any rate, between what felt like a lecture, another round of depression, and that hormonal part of my cycle (sorry, guys) where I cry at anything and everything, I have spent most of the evening crying.  Can't wait for the crying hangover tomorrow.  Good times.

So panda shoes.  Why?  Why not?  Who needs segues?

Today I pretty much feel like this.

But hopefully tomorrow I will feel like this.

Maybe by Friday I'll even be feeling silly.

Because how can I be sad when there are turquoise disco panda shoes in the world?

I just like these because the pandas are the opposite of the way most shoes are done, so I would get to look  down at them.  We could have conversations.  I would call them Manda Panda and Patrick Panda.

And then I'll have a baby who can wear these.  I don't know their names because I don't have a baby to name them.

I'm taking my red eyes, splotchy face and stupid brain to bed now.  But before I go one last picture.  This cartoon is about anxiety, but it also works for depression, and how I feel in many conversations.  (Click on it to make it bigger)