No Title

I wasn't sure what to title this post, because I don't normally go this deep on this blog.  Ask me to talk about the nieces and I will talk for days.  Ask me to tell you funny stories from church, and I'm all over it.  I can make random comments about shoes.  But this is harder. It was announced in church yesterday, so it's official.  I am taking a medical leave from church, possibly up to 8 weeks.  I've struggled with depression for years, but lately it has been getting steadily worse. I've been in therapy and on anti-depressants, but just couldn't seem to make any headway. My doctor finally decided that this leave was necessary. He also doubled the dose of my anti-depressant and put me on a second one (holy side effects, Batman!). I'm hoping this helps (I'm also back in therapy), because I am just so tired of feeling like this, and feeling like a total failure at life. I also feel bad for the sudden departure from church. I know a lot of people aren't going to understand, or put their own spin on things, which makes me sad, but right now I have to concentrate on getting healthy.

Here's the thing:  If you met me somewhere you probably wouldn't think I had that severe of depression.  A lot of the time I am perfectly happy.  I laugh and smile and can have a good time.  But the voice of depression is always in the back of my mind, telling me I'm not good enough, telling me that I'm failing at everything, telling me that nothing I do is right.  Intellectually I know these things aren't true, but it's so hard to fight that voice.  But I'm fighting it now.  I don't know exactly how this leave will go, but I have started setting goals, the hubby is doing his best to be supportive, and I'm back in therapy.  If you are so inclined, I welcome your prayers.   If you aren't inclined in that way, just send me some good thoughts to lift me up in the dark times.  I enjoy writing this blog and finding fun or crazy or silly shoes with you, so I'll continue to write.  I might occasionally talk about how things are going, but don't worry, this isn't going to be the depression diaries.  Tomorrow, back to shoes!