Thursday, July 24, 2014

The Bean

So the Bean just turned 11, which is crazy because 5 minutes ago she was a baby who suck her tongue out in every picture. Seriously, I think we have one picture of her in her first 3 years of life without her tongue sticking out. And of course she was adorable. Anyway, it was her birthday, and I didn't post and now it's the middle of the night again, but whatever. The Bean has always made me laugh and she also has a completely evil way of making me cry, either from sweetness or guilt. We have competitions to see who loves the other the furthest. She used to say she loved me to the pond and back. I finally figured out she meant the pond at the library next to my parents' house. Considering we were both living there at the time, it wasn't very far. Distance is relative when you're 4, I guess. Now we love each other to places like Jupiter and back, or we see who can come up with the goofiest place. So yeah, I love the kid. Until tonight when I discovered yet another member of my family with shoes named after her. I dislike my entire family, now. They are ugly and their mamas dress them funny. So there. Ok, immature temper tantrum over. Let's look at the shoes. I'm not going to comment on them now, I'll wait until the Bean gets home from her mom's house so she can give her opinion of them.

Happy late birthday, Bean! Even though I no longer like you, I still love you to the shoe store and back!

Wednesday, July 23, 2014


I was going to post earlier, but first I forgot what I was going to write about, and then I forgot to post. Collective eye roll. Whatever. Also, I'm going to talk about today even though it was actually yesterday. I haven't slept yet; that's my logic. Today I sorted through clothes and shoes to purge and reorganize. I now have 3 large garbage bags to take the Goodwill, one of which is shoes. I didn't count the number of pairs that were in there, and even if I had I wouldn't tell you because frankly it's embarrassing how many shoes I can get rid of and how many I still have left. But I do feel accomplished for getting the task done. I also got allergy shots and had coffee with a friend, so a fairly productive day with some socializing thrown in. Today was better in terms of pets, thank goodness. Although both puppies are currently whining because Tallulah is locked in the bathroom. I will be so happy when Chalupa's hormones settle down and she is out of heat. Oh well. Shoes. Brown. It's kind of a theme. Poop is Brown, puppies are brown, coffee is brown. Heck, even the hubby is brown. Hee hee. But plain brown shoes are a bit boring, so we're adding turquoise to the mix.

I don't wear cowboy boots, but these are cute.

I actually used to have these shoes. I think they were the victims of my last moving purge.

Ooooh! Wedges!

I very much enjoy Keens. Even though they make my feet stink.

Adorable. Yes, please.

Baby shoes in the colors and pattern I would like a nursery if that was ever a necessity.

Also cute. Very girly. Speaking of girly, or at least a girl, today was the Bean's birthday. Apparently in July I blog all birthdays a day late, as I'm not redoing this post. Especially considering I did it on my Kindle. Sigh, one day maybe my memory will return. In the meantime, good night, and here's hoping Tallulah stops whining, Chalupa doesn't destroy anything trying to get to her, and the hubby gets his elbow out of my hip before I have to smack him.

Monday, July 21, 2014

A Day of Pet Needs

I spent the majority of the day saying, "Chalupa, NO!"  Poor thing is totally confused about his hormonal state these days, and Tallulah is in heat, so she smells good, and all he wants to do is lick her parts.  Of course, they have the cone of shame to prevent the licking of parts and therefor stitches, so it doesn't help that he's trying to lick her all day.  I try to separate them as much as possible, but when they are in different rooms they both whine and scratch at the door the entire time.  I'm trying to be patient, but damn they're driving me crazy right now.  Poor babies.  In other puppy news, I also power washed the area rugs today.  It has to be done periodically to help with the pee, poop, and puke stains.  Delightful, huh?  I try to keep on top of it with the Resolve spray and a scrub brush, but sometimes it needs a more thorough washing to help with stains and smells.  I ALSO cleaned the dragon cage today.  This involves putting the dragons in a tub full of water, taking everything out of their cage to also power wash outside, then vacuuming all of the bedding, poop, food, molted skin, roaches, and god only knows what else, then putting new bedding and everything else back in.  Reason #793 why husbands are like children?  They swear that the pets they want won't be hard to take care of and they will do everything that needs to be done.  Uh huh.  This is why I was involved in dealing with way too many pet bodily functions today.  I've washed my hands so many times I think the skin is just going to fall off.  Don't worry, there won't be poop shoes in this post.  We've done puppies, so tonight we'll do lizards:

I hope that top part moves like a pop-up book so the lizard can chomp chomp chomp.

I keep thinking the nostrils are eyes, but either way I think these are cute.

Yay!  Geckos!  I would like a pair, please.

Blue and green boots!  With geckos!

And actual Bearded Dragon shoes.  These are fabulous, in a totally ugly kind of way.

OK, I lied.  One pair of poop shoes because it's hilarious that poop shoes even exist.  And the poop is so happy.

Hopefully this will be there won't be a post that contains this many uses of the word poop again.  But don't hold your breath.

Saturday, July 19, 2014


We had Chalupa and Tallulah neutered and spayed today.  They also got micro-chipped, got rabies shots, and each had a couple of teeth pulled.  Gotta love the SPCA, but now I have some saaaaad puppies wearing cones of shame.  Talullah is too miserable to even care about hers.  Chalupa is feeling a lot better, so he's more adventurous and keeps running into things with his cone.  Maybe tomorrow it will be cute and funny but tonight I am just too sad.  Tallulah is just so miserable.  She just whimpers and looks at me like, "WTF, mom?  Why do you hate me?"  I know she'll get better, but I can't deal with their pain.  I sat on the floor with Tallulah earlier tonight and cried with her.  And how I'm going to keep them separated for 7-10 days is beyond me.  Until today they had never been apart for more than 5 or 10 minutes since birth.  Tallulah is sleeping with us right now and Chalupa, instead of sleeping, was hyper and acting crazy so I put him in the other room.  He started scratching at our door.  Then he would run outside and scratch at the sliding door to our room.   He just kept repeating the pattern until I couldn't take it anymore and went out to sit with him.  Normally I would just chalk it up to bratty behavior, but tonight it just made me sad.  Thankfully he finally calmed down and now he is in bed with us too.  Yes, they are getting spoiled right now.  This is one of the reasons I have trouble being a pastor, too.  I can't seem to separate from the pain of others.  I soak it up like a sponge.  I'm starting to wonder if I shouldn't have children, it might just kill me.  I am a sad mama tonight who needs these shoes:

You know how I feel about matching my shoes to the occasion.  Poor, sad, puppy shoes.

I couldn't do more sad shoes, though, so I went with 101 Dalmatian shoes to cheer myself up.  I really hope this is a pair and not one shoe from each pair, because I love them mismatched like this.

I love these, too.  Happy puppies!

Happy baby shoes!

Happy puppy slippers!

Definitely Cruella shoes.  Of course, for her they would have to be made of actual Dalmatian hide and that just goes back to sad, so let's not think about that.

Why is there only one?  Is the other one the same, or different?  Why must they leave me in suspense?!

OK, I feel a little better.  Plus, I've had Dalmatian Plantation running through my head this whole time, so it's harder to be sad while singing.

Friday, July 18, 2014


Last weekend the hubby and I went to a birthday party for our backyard neighbors.  You know, they're the neighbors whose backyard backs up against our back yard.  His birthday is July 2 and hers is July 8, so they celebrate together.  We didn't know anyone there, so we invited a very nice lady to sit with us.  She was looking like I often look at parties, a little bored, a little nervous, and alone.  We had a nice conversation with her, and really enjoyed hanging out with her, but it turns out we were both thinking the same thing the entire time:  "Holy cow does she look like Ursula from The Little Mermaid!"  It was true.  She was very generously curvy and wearing a strapless black maxi-dress.  She had spiky/swoopy white hair, very long fake eyelashes, and dramatic makeup.  Part of me likes to think she goes for this look on purpose because she knows she's fabulous.  Of course, it's not exactly something you can just come out and ask:  "So...were you trying to look like a sea witch, or did it just work out that way?  At any rate, tonight's post is in her honor.

If I'm remembering correctly, our Ursula was wearing purple eye shadow rather than green, but it was up just as high.

But it was just the eye shadow; she wasn't purple in general, thank goodness.

I don't get these.   Once you put your foot in, you'd be stepping on Ursula's face.  That seems rather rude.  Also, you would then just have black shoes with random purple tentacles on them.

These are fabulous, and the perfect segue.

Because this post needs some Ariel, too.  I love the color of these.  Sea foam green, I assume?

These are very similar to the ones above.  Maybe even the same?  I can't tell without seeing the other side.  I like the sparkly purple laces better.

These are very busy.  I think most of the movie is represented on these.

I take that back.  THESE are busy.  With the pictures, and the bows, and the sparkly, red heels.  As Tim Gunn would say, "that's a lot of look."

So, thank you, Birthday Party Ursula, whose real name I sadly can't remember, for being fabulous and for giving me an idea for a post.

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Because I Love My Mom And My Auntie

My mom gave me a gentle nudge of guilt yesterday about not posting this week.  Today she said my auntie was having blog withdrawals.  OK, OK...I can take a hint.  It's not that I've been avoiding you all, it's just that not much is going on this week, so I haven't been terribly inspired to write.  I mean, so far the highlights of this week have been:  Allergy shots and an appointment with my pulmonologist, going to his physical with the hubby, and having the puppies bring a dead bird into the house which I then stepped on.  See?  Who wants to read about that?  The first 2 are boring, and the last one is just gross.  What am I going to do, dead bird shoes?  Also, I haven't been feeling well this week.  Maybe it's just allergies, but I keep feeling like I'm getting or have a cold or a virus or something.  I'm achy and tired and wheezy and blah.  My brain has also been super helpful by informing me that every decision I have ever made has probably been wrong, or for the wrong reasons.  Don't you just love absolutes?  I mean how crazy is that?  Niece snuggling is mostly always a good choice.  Chocolate is definitely always a good choice.  Getting puppies?  Maybe not so much after Birdgate 2014.  Drinking water, eating veggies, working out (when I do it) are all good choices.  But apparently my brain is stupid and needs to be kicked.  And what shoes go with that post?  So, since this post so far is about basically nothing and doesn't have much of a theme, here are some shoes that also have no theme, except Hey!  Here are some shoes!

I like these.  Maybe.  I think so.  They kind of remind me of Polish potter in a shoe.

Damn.  You'd always be able to find these in a crowd. I actually like the black and white striped heet and platform, though.

I have no idea what's going on here, but I like it.  And those are really really tall shoes.

Supposedly these are shoes that change colors.  I don't think that's necessary in a shoe.  How would you match it to an outfit?

I don't even really know what to say about these, except that for some reason they kind of crack me up, and I kind of want them. 

I used to have a skirt in these colors and almost the same pattern.  I wouldn't have worn matching shoes with it, but these would be fun with other outfits.

You know those looms you can make potholders on?  Some really proud mother decided to re-purpose all of the potholders her kids made her in to these questionable shoes. That's my guess anyway.

These are because I couldn't leave you with potholder shoes and baby shoes with penguinitos are always a good choice.

Alright, Auntie and Mama, no more with the guilt.  I've written you a post.  Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get back to questioning my life.

Sunday, July 13, 2014

Just a Little Late

Yesterday was my mom's birthday.  Happy Birthday (again), Mom!  Yes, I should have written this post yesterday, but it was social Saturday and the day got away from me.  We went to a birthday party at our neighbors' house (so we got to celebrate, just not with Mom), and then spent some time with friends of the hubby's and didn't get home until late.  It was a nice day, albeit exhausting for the introvert.  Last year I did shoes by years of things in her life (and got one year wrong, how that happened I still haven't figured out).  This year, it turns out that Mom is another family member with shoes named after her.  She even get shoes made in Paris.  Oooh la la!

Yes, I started with blue because I'm selfish and it's all about me.  And they were among the first to pop up.  I love these.

These also come in purple, but I kind of like the orange for some reason.

No to the pink.  But I had to include the t-strap.

This was the only green pair I could find, and they aren't even that cute.  This is clearly wrong of shoes named after my mom because green in her color.  These people need to do their research.

Sparkly and strappy!

My mom would actually not wear any of these shoes.  She's not really a shoe person, although she does read my blog because she's my mom and she's awesome like that.  I also just found out that my dad reads my blog (hi, Dad!), which for some reason is strange to me.  But he is also awesome.  Anyhoodle, back to Mom, who isn't a shoe person, but who really likes Mary Engelbreit.  So these are for you, Mama!

I love all of these, but this last picture is best for today because it acknowledges my lateness and has fancier shoes than you normally see from Mary.  She's fond of black Mary Janes, and there's nothing wrong with that.

So Happy Birthday, Mom!  Let me take this opportunity to apologize to you for my childhood.  (for those of you who don't know, I was a surprise, and I think my parents' lives would have been way quieter if they'd stuck with the first 2).  So, I apologize for:
  • Insisting on eating my breakfast behind the wood stove and inevitably burning the snot out of my arm
  • Getting a very large sliver of wood jammed in my foot and then being insanely allergic to Demerol
  • Falling on a nail and making you think I'd put my eye out
  • Getting a pencil lead jammed in my knee that had to be removed and then required stitches
  • Getting my ankle caught in the spokes of the brother's bike
  • Falling in the playground and ripping out a large chunk of my knee
  • Somersaulting over a foot and cracking my collar bone 
(all of these things happened before the age of 7)  Just think of the money you would have saved on medical bills!  In non medical things, I apologize for:
  • Climbing the cupboards and eating Crisco out of the can
  • Acting like a victim of starvation and hiding half of my food all over the house
  • Spilling all of that ink all over my bedroom carpet
  • Being a screamer
  • The necessity of us ever having to use the phrase "barfy bucket"
There are a million more, but I have to save something for next year!  Love you!

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